wholehearted living
written on October 28, 2022
took me a lot longer than I expected to finally start this blog, but here I am :)
this semester has been such a blessing in my life, in so many different ways. I actually feel like I’m thriving and not just surviving anymore. obviously life is not perfect, I’m still sinful and struggle with things in life. but I also do every step of life with God and I feel so much more than I ever have before in my life.
“You seem so in-touch with your emotions.“
If you knew anything about B.C. (before Christ) me, you’d know that I was entirely detached from my emotions. If you knew me in the year after I got saved, you would also know that one of the first big lessons that God taught me was how to feel. B.C. me would have never even imagined that this sentence was a compliment, much less that it would be said to me. But here we are (: After the struggles of learning how to feel fear, happiness, anger, and sadness, I thought it would be a significantly longer journey until I became used to it and they came naturally to me. But now… now, my days are colored with emotions and they make up a lovely painting. And that’s not even the best part.
Like I had mentioned in the sanctification post, I’ve been learning how to walk with God. This semester I stepped into official serving roles for the first time, in FCS and Soon (fellowship). It’s been such a blessed time, learning to rely on God and be in tune with how He wants to use me in these areas. Every time I go to a rehearsal, large group, or other event, I’m much more prayerful and mindful of listening to what God is saying. This heart posture is something that I hope to carry into every aspect of my life, but at least for now it’s been a great blessing.
It’s impossible to list all the blessings I’ve been noticing in my life, but here are a couple:
- JRB girls (my housemates) – Oh Lord. God’s so big brain y’all. He chose five girls who have always struggled with sisterhood and placed us together to serve and love on each other while living together. The vulnerability and affection of this group is something I never expected and better than I could have ever imagined. None of us knew what this was going to be and how it would go when we first moved in together, but this has truly grown to be the first layer of support for each of us when we’re struggling with anything as well as the first people we share the blessings in life with. We have each other’s backs in prayer and loving rebuke when needed, and the community that God’s created in this relationship is crazy. These girls push me to love God more and challenge me to step out of my comfort zone in serving and showing love (words of affirmation??? 😳)
- my accountability buddy – God is sovereign and His plan is so much greater than I can fathom. I’ve been meeting with my accountability buddy twice weekly for (1) accountability in sharing life with each other and (2) accountability in setting aside time to intentionally spend time with the Lord in each others’ presence. The God-centered conversations have been lovel , but on top of that God’s been allowing me to see how He’s orchestrated our lives and struggles so that we’d be able to support each other and struggle together. He gives us similar struggles and reveals things to us at similar times so that we can share the things He’s been teaching us. The more we talk and the closer we become, the more I learn about God’s sovereignty in our lives. I’m so thankful to God at how He’s provided this entire relationship. It’s truly all His work.
- my discipler – more and more, I see how much better God’s plan is than my own. When I first envisioned being discipled, this is not what I had expected or hoped for. I could even say that I was disappointed in how this relationship was going. But it’s been almost 2 years since I’ve been meeting with her regularly and I can appreciate so much more how God has worked through this relationship and through her faithfulness in trusting the Lord and serving gently and lovingly. I’ve received so much from this sister and I can recognize how precious she is to me a little better now (:
God has blessed me in so many ways this semester. I know that life is not always going to be this joyful, and there’s already challenges in life but I have no doubt that God will grow me in many ways in the remaining time I have at school before I move on to the next chapter of life.
as always, lmk if u wanna talk ❤
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“Therefore, my brothers, whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, stand firm thus in the Lord, my beloved.”
– Philippians 4:1
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