full circle
written on September 25, 2020
Last night at homegroup we read over Romans 8:1-15 as a group, which reminded me of the first time I met JL back in Feb 2020. We met at another Bible study where we read Romans 8 and she spoke so much truth into me that day. Back the , I had written about what she told me so that I wouldn’t forget what God had spoken to me through her. Then today, I had my first coffee chat with LK where she mentioned that she kept a blog, reminding me of my own blog and its posts. Immediately after that I joined a conversation about phone background . My phone background is my back profile that was taken at a park in the middle of the night, where I’m snuggled in my Mexico missions 2019 blanket staring at the night sky. The reason I had chosen this photo as my background aside from being aesthetically pleasing—was because of the meaning behind it. I took this photo to match the essay I wrote for the Presidential Scholars Application back in February 2020. The essay described my salvation testimony and how I came to terms with my brokenness. It showed that I do not need to maintain the pretense of being fine through the imagery of a girl that lives in the dark and begins accepting that she no longer needs to pretend her moon is the Sun. This photo was taken on a new moon, when the moon is not visible but the stars are still vibrant in the sky.
Several hours of linear algebra later, I felt drained and decided to start worshipping. It was then that God turned my gaze to something else in my room a pastel drawing that a brother-in-Christ had gifted me nearly a year ago, in November 2019. The image depicted the back profile of a girl resting on a swing hanging from the moon, taking rest in the darkness of the night, an exact rendition of the photo that I had submitted for the Presidential Scholars App. This drawing had been hanging on my bedroom wall for nearly a year now, and the photo has been my phone screen background for about half of that. However, it wasn’t until God pointed it out to me that I realized the striking similarity between the two. One by one, things came together and I ve been realizing more how thoroughly God has orchestrated every moment of my life.
“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28
I often find myself doubting this fact, but God reminded me again that he works all things together for my good. Overwhelmed by this realization, I continued to worship God for His goodness and steadfastness.
Now I’ve been reading a book of poems written by a follower of Christ, and one of the pieces had really struck me.
God, I swear I’ll never be as cold as I was before you came,
and God, I swear I’ll never forget the day my life was caught by those two words.
“Follow me” wasn’t a plea, it was a cure to a disease.
I’ve been mulling over these three lines for a week, astounded by its accuracy every time I read it. It told my story so well, because I was a col , emotionless shell before I met Jesus. I accepted Jesus as Lord over my life at a retreat titled “Follow Me.” He saved me from my hopelessness and destitution. This poem also told my salvation testimony in yet another way. How could a complete stranger write my story with such detail?
As I kept worshipping today, I was led to sing O Your Love by Joyce Jo, a song that’s been stuck in my head for a long time. Right from the first vers , I was struck by God’s faithfulness yet once again.
Here in the stillness of my soul, I see your faithful love, a love that Is enduring through the night
Your gentle spirit comes and warms the cold of my winter years, and promises are rising dawn of spring
Wow. As I worship him, he shows me his steadfastness. Through the night, and through the cold. And he assures me of a coming spring.
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